RAMBLE 18th August 2013

ramble

Hello All, it’s that time of year again!

As always with Deborah and I the emphasis is on the social side of the ramble rather than the macho slog of it.
This is not one for those wanting an iron man challenge, but if you do want nice views, nice company, a pub lunch and homemade cream teas and cakes for afters, than this IS for you!

Here’s the info-

The Date– Sunday August 18th

They shelving , cheap pharmacy to. Would product all. Is canada pharmacy online , shampoo lacio make.

2013
The Time– !0.15am for 10.30am
The Place– Andrew’s Wood Carpark, Shacklands Road, TN14 7BD, off roundabout between Badgers Mount and Polhill.
The Route– To Shoreham Village and back.
Highlight– Cream teas in St. Peter & St. Pauls, Parish Church of Shoreham, 2pm – 5pm.

The round trip distance is only approximately 5 miles in total, but there is a hill and a couple of stiles to negotiate. If you can only manage half the distance transport can be organized to get you back.
ALL are welcome!

SimonSunlit hill

 

I Wished The Long Hot Night Goodbye…

…And pushed the thick air away like it was a limp, damp blanket heavy on my skin. I downed the last dregs of my drink, there was no ice in the glass, the ice had long since gone south along with the air con and my last clean shirt. Marlowe get off your sorry butt, it’s Tuesday the 16th July and there’s work to be done. I flung the unfinished Sudoku onto the desk, that was one puzzle I wouldn’t crack, and peeled myself off the leather seat. The effort made me sweat. Summer in the city you had to love it !

The tyres squealed in protest on the sticky blacktop as I stuck the old Ford in drive and cruised uptown. The streets were empty, nobody but a fool PI would be out in heat like this, so I chewed a little on what the night ahead might bring, maybe I’d see the dame, the redhead in that red dress. I checked the glove box for my 45, Dancing Queen by Abba, a little scratched but still servicable, it would do if things got lively.

I swung the car into the lot. A big beemer squatted out front. The engine smelt hot, somebody had gunned this Bavarian beast without mercy. They had to be plumb crazy or desperately short of time, or maybe a little of both. I set my hat brim low and wrestled my way into the joint.

It struck me hard. Something was wrong. My nose itched. I looked around, once, quickly. I took it all in. You could cut the hopelessness with a knife, the sort of knife you’d give a kindergarten kid. There’d been a happening here, that much was obvious, but now it was quiet…too quiet, the lull before the storm you might say. I tapped my jacket for my hip flask and took a swig. The nip felt good, comforting. I was ready now…

a009 a023 a027 a036 a043 a047 a053 a058 a065 a061 a070 a072 b007 b017 b048 b056 b066 b071 b076 b080 b081 b096 b111 b119 b132 b135 b137

 

So anyway the gist is it’s film shoot night for ‘Power Corrupts’, one of the club entries for the annual North V South competition. David has brought together all the ingredients for a really great production and all he needs now is a bit of luck, a following wind and enough ‘support artists’ to make up a decent crowd scene. We wait and wait, the tension is like a coiled spring that’s close to breaking. But one by one they trickle in and gradually they gather, the friends the neighbours and the club stalwarts. We have our crowd!

With crowd, crew and our leading ladies all assembled the shoot begins. David takes masterful control of the situation and with him in the director’s stool the filming ticks along with assured efficiency until ALL the scenes are in the can and the ambitious schedule completed.

To the cast and crew I take my hat off to you all. In fact I take off everything that decency will allow to salute your patience, fortitude, good grace and good humour especially in the teeth of what was a long and very muggy night. Well done and lets kick the North’s bottom!

THE COACHING CREW CREATE

If a job's worth doing it's definitely worth doing.
If a job’s worth doing it’s definitely worth doing.

Whoever it was who said that movie making is no walk in the park, no bed of roses, no drive down easy street, and no double cheese burger with extra fries and a side order of onion rings, was one VERY perceptive fella!

John displays unusual fortitude inspite of the artistic agony he's suffering.
John displays unusual fortitude in spite of the artistic agony he’s suffering.

Movie making is hell! It’s a walk on the wild side, it’s a dance with danger, it’s a tango with terror, a waltz with a wilful warthog, a foxtrot with fear, a paso doble two step with a peckish penguin, a gentleman’s excuse me with a….gentleman.

Waldorf salad is a dish best served cold.
Waldorf salad is a dish best served cold.

Let me tell you movie making will chew you up and spit you out. It’ll mop the floor with you, wring you out in the dirty bucket of disappointment, leave you limp, damp and cold and then grin and do it to you all over again!

Movie making is tough…it’s so tough that on the universal scale of toughness it’s literally off the scale. It’s so tough that if you look up TOUGH in the dictionary it just says ‘Try making a movie buster!’

Now I’m not saying that the committed band of OVFM coaching evening stalwarts who gathered on Tuesday evening were making a movie…no I’m not saying that!

And I’m not saying that they weren’t!

Brenda seeks solace in drink.
Brenda seeks solace in drink.

What I am saying is movie making is difficult. It’s like juggling two eggs, doing up your shoelaces, constructing a flat pack wardrobe…and sending a text message…when you’re over forty!

But the OVFM coaching evening stalwarts laugh in the face of difficulty and decided they would make a movie (or a ‘film’ as we in the know say) anyway.

Masking her inner torment Barbara puts a brave face on it.
Masking her inner torment Barbara puts a brave face on it.

So with scripts in hand, props to the fore, best learning brains in gear and a whole heap of equipment that I couldn’t begin to describe (or understand!) we set about making the best darn movie OVFM has ever seen (made on a Tuesday this week, between the hours of 6.30 and 10pm, about letters….guaranteed. PS This is not a guarantee!)

Lee takes a moment to enjoy a little chuckle.
Lee takes a moment to enjoy a little chuckle.

I could tell you how we did it…but I wont. You should have been there. The heat of the lights, the roar of the crowds (or was that my stomach rumbling?), the romance, the drama, the highs, the lows. But we got through, we manned up, we soldiered on, we whistled while we worked, we tip-toed through the tulips, we rolled out the barrel and we got to it and made our bally movie.

 

There's no eye in team.
There’s no eye in team.

And if you want to see this triumph over adversity, this diamond plucked from the mud, this snook cocked at failure, then come soon to a picture house near you where you will gasp, cry, laugh and possibly even be entertained (terms and conditions apply) and all will be revealed. You’ll believe a man can fly, or failing that you WILL see yours trully in a cameo role that’ll take your breath away. Acting? Make your own mind up. Wonder, amazement, expectation or simply gormless? You decide; )

Cracking under the stress of being clapper boy Chris resorts to personal insult.
Cracking under the stress of being clapper boy Chris resorts to personal insult.

In the pressure cooker atmosphere of the film set Roger and Basil trade abuse.
In the pressure cooker atmosphere of the film set Roger and Basil trade abuse.

Archive Night, 5th February

 

ovfmarchives

With Lee, our glorious webmaster and esteemed Keeper of the Records, suffering with a severe dose of ‘Oh deary me I’m not feeling awfully well’ and an acute case of ‘Wretched fiddlesticks, I appear to have a pain’, it was down to the A Team to step in and save the day.

Actually do I mean A Team or do I mean the B for Back-up Team? No wait! I really mean the C for C Class Celebrity Couple of Annabelle and Simon who like a well oiled (more of that later) machine utterly failed to fill Lee’s big black boots…but at least they tried!

So with Andy piloting the Archive Time Machine and Annabelle and Simon poised with pencils to keep scrupulous notes of the films shown, like what Lee does, we were off.

1. DIY by The Gremlins. A gloriously funny short with a hint of gallows humour! Thanks to Annabelle for correctly noting the name.

2. Magical Moments also by The Gremlins,  Basil Doody, John Alford and Pete Greenway (sadly departed). The touching tear jerker starred the wonderful David Locke (also sadly departed) as the park keeper imagining himself as a magician.

3. Sperrymental by Basil Doody. Basil decides to make an ‘original’ film with help from Frank and Lynn Chanter. Hilarity ensues as the subjects of crisp eating, wine drinking, poetry reading and the techniques of filming upside down and in an experimental way (out of focus) are employed and exploited in a desperate and increasingly ‘well oiled’ attempt to make an award winning film.

4. The Grey Team by Annabelle Lancaster. An epic documentary examining the lives of the beautiful Whitbread shire horses. From pulling the Lord Mayor’s Coach one day and delivering beer around central London the next. To attending the numerous shows around the country to visiting the blacksmith for new shoes. The film concludes in exhilarating manner when the horses are seen enjoying their two week holiday in rural Kent and we watch them gallop excitedly in the open pastures.

5. Call of Duty by Colin Jones. This comedy finds our untidy hero Kevin desperate for help to clean the house before the imminent return of his parents. A comic mix up with telephone numbers means confusion all round…and no help for Kevin.

6. For Better For Worse by Basil Doody (he was the star of the evening and he missed it all!) Pity the poor couple at the centre of this calamity cursed wedding day. A vintage comedy with cameos from Reg, Annabelle and other youthful club members.

7. Problem With O by Bob Wyeth. A well observed humorous short with a little shepherd boy totally unable to keep his placard under control at the nativity service.

8. City Beat by Mike and Jo Coad. Punchy and pacey, this is quiet literally city scenes cut to music.

9. Pulling the Birds by Colin Jones. The Pheasant Pluckers Song lip synched for comedic effect with lots of rubber chickens thrown in for good effect.

10. Nimrod, directed by Colin Jones, filmed by Frank Hyde. A rhyming couplet spouting cocker spaniel called Nimrod dispairs of his human family and their odd behaviour.

And that concludes the show. A great evening for one and all.

Simon

Blitz and Bananas Film Premiere…The Evidence

Roll Up Roll Up to the greatest show in Bromley

Snapping at the heels of Lee’s timely and comprehensive review of the Blitz and Bananas’ Premiere I am now ready to reveal in glorious colour my take on exactly what went on.

The Wonderful Dancers

Keep reading and I promise that later in this post you will see a Jitterbug, a Jive, several Jalopys and a certain Jasmine scented OVFM lady in uniform!

The Girls do a bit of Celeb spotting

Why, I hear you ask, did Lee manage to get his review up within hours of the show and yet it’s taken me well over a month to do the same?

A Jeep is Forever, not just Christmas

Well I can exclusively reveal here and now that there are a number of factors that you must take into consideration. Firstly age, some of us have more of it than others! Talent…ditto! And then of course there’s the small matter of the dog eating my homework!

Are you believing this? No. Okay I come clean, I have no excuse, I’m just slow I admit it, I’m sorry.

The Crowd Enjoy the Entertainment

Anyway now that I’ve got that off my chest and like they say confession is good for the soul, I think I should get on with showing you a few of the highlights of that momentous day in April.

Tin Hat at the Ready

To some of us it’ll be remembered as the ‘I don’t believe it!’ day. Obviously staging anything on April Fool’s Day is likely to cause confusion and incredulity in those of a cynical leaning.

Book the Churchill Theatre…I don’t believe it!

Sell it out…I don’t believe it!

Stage a second show and sell that out too…I don’t believe it!

But believe it or not it’s true, and not only that it was a resounding success too with our own Anna Littler and her loyal band of Bananites putting on an event that was entertaining and very enjoyable.

Cherie proves there’s something about a uniform!

From the parade of vintage cars to the period costumed dancers, from the glorious sunshine to the generous raffle prizes the Blitz and Bananas Experience was a great way to get in the swing for the main feature.

Where’s …Reggie?

On which Lee (curse his literatical ability) has already expounded with more eloquence and insight than is decent in one so young, but suffice to say Blitz and Bananas, the Film, was V, V, V filmfabulous!

Some of the folks who helped it happen

After the screening some of the many people who’d contributed to the success of the Premiere were cajoled onto the stage to take their applause like men, and there was a funny ‘behind the scenes’ short film and the grand drawing of the raffle…phew!

Never leave home without your gas mask

It was a great day.

Anna…I do believe it now!

ps. Jasmine scented? On reflection it may have been J’adore by Dior!!

Simon Earwicker

Oscar Night. The Picture Parade

Little Oscar himself!
Little Oscar himself!

You’ve pestered, you’ve begged, you’ve fretted, you’ve sweated. but in spite of all that I’m not going to be stopped!

Alan cuts a dash in the costume de rigueur dicky bow look
Alan cuts a dash in the costume de rigueur dicky bow look

So Film Fans, I give you…THE OVFM OSCAR NIGHT PHOTOGRAPHS!
Please! Thank you, settle down, mind what you’re doing with that monopod missus, where’s me wash board, I didn’t come here to get insulted…I could have stayed at home!

An Expectant Crowd (not to be confused with a crowd of those expecting!)
An Expectant Crowd (not to be confused with a crowd of those expecting!)

Anyway On With The Show. But first I must be serious for a moment. We now live in a highly litigious society where health and safety concerns dog our every move. For some the arrival of conker season doesn’t bring joy but a fearful rush for hard hat and goggles, and fetching something down from the top of the cupboard requires a safety net and padded suit!

Security Has Arrived.
Security Has Arrived.

But here at OVFM we’re not like that, we laugh in the face of danger…ha ha. Only last week I heard of an OVFM member who didn’t flinch when he dropped his ginger hob nob he just calmly reached down, picked it up and carried on as if nothing had happened. Brave? You bet yer!

Glamorous Pat shows us how it’s done
Glamorous Pat shows us how it’s done

And what about the OVFM member who recently took up rollerskating? Determined to fulfil a lifelong ambition and do something adventurous he didn’t hesitate to get out there and have a go. (The doctor says he’s doing fine and the cast can come off in about six weeks).

anna_chris

However after vetting my article the OVFM lawyers (Fleeceham, Grabbit & Runn) have insisted that I preface it with a warning to protect those of a sensitive disposition.

The Comedy Dream Team, Corrie, Colin and Basil
The Comedy Dream Team, Corrie, Colin and Basil

So here goes…
WARNING the following contains images of a grown man in a banana costume, if you are offended by such images (and those of unconstrained handshaking and back slapping too) please look away now. In fact why not look at Reg’s Favourite Films article which has had some really fascinating posts added to it recently.

Yes, I Have no Bananas. Mike demonstrates his unstinting support of ‘Blitz and Bananas’ the film
Yes, I Have no Bananas. Mike demonstrates his unstinting support of ‘Blitz and Bananas’ the film

 

Still here?
Then sit yourself down, take a deep breath and we’ll begin!

For the full selection of photos visit the gallery.

Sam presents Ann and John with the Vic Treen Trophy
Sam presents Ann and John with the Vic Treen Trophy
Respectful as ever Lee presents Barbara with her Top Ten Runner Up certificate
Respectful as ever Lee presents Barbara with her Top Ten Runner Up certificate
David is presented with the Jubilee Shield by Brenda
David is presented with the Jubilee Shield by Brenda
Colin again with his two leading ladies from 'Team Work', winner of the Mike Turner Plate
Colin again with his two leading ladies from ‘Team Work’, winner of the Mike Turner Plate
Simon and Annabelle the John Bonham -alike star of his ‘Rhythm of Life’ mockumentary
Simon and Annabelle the John Bonham -alike star of his ‘Rhythm of Life’ mockumentary
Multi award winning Mike with banana impersonating namesake Mike
Multi award winning Mike with banana impersonating namesake Mike
Freddy congratulates Barbara for winning the Alice Howe Trophy
Freddy congratulates Barbara for winning the Alice Howe Trophy
Bob is recognized for his great film ‘Switzerland’
Bob is recognized for his great film ‘Switzerland’
John is given a Commended Certificate for his film 'Mystery of the Garden Shed', as seen on the BBC
John is given a Commended Certificate for his film ‘Mystery of the Garden Shed’, as seen on the BBC
Are you allowed to do that Chris? And with hubby there too!
Are you allowed to do that Chris? And with hubby there too!
Brenda gets a pressie from Freddy and Chris for all her competition work
Brenda gets a pressie from Freddy and Chris for all her competition work
Are you allowed to do that Chris? And with hubby there too!
Are you allowed to do that Chris? And with hubby there too!
Is that Cherie I see there?
Is that Cherie I see there?

Coaching Returns, Fan Fabby Flozzie…Let’s Film!

Day Two and the housemates are in a filming state of mind.

It’s Tuesday 24th January 2012 and as a shaft of golden sunlight picks out the gold braid stripes on Captain Lee’s uniform his eager crew gather for their early morning briefing.

Alas My Heart doth Flutter like a Butterfly’s wings

“Well team, we have a Big Day ahead of us. As you know today we do the actual filming for the OVFM Coaching Course Movie (unlike yesterday when we only rehearsed, no really, it was just the rehearsal, any filming you may have thought you’d seen was just your imagination, understood!)”

Lights, Camera, Sound, Action…I say…ACTION!

Lee struck an inspiring image and his rousing voice soon whipped the crowd into paroxysms of enthusiasm for the task ahead.

Roarke and Mike pull a Cracker

“OVFMers! Lend me your ears, lend me your hearts…lend me a tenner! Today we band, we merry band stand on the frontier of history. Ask not what the Club can do for but what you can do for the Club. Let us rise as one and take up our mighty camcorders and go forth to smite those that dare stand in our way. Cry out for Film, for Video, and for Freddy! And remember people there’s no i in team…but there is a heck of a lot of t in China. Ich Bien Ein OVFMer. ”

Barbara gives the men a lesson in thermo dynamics

    Suitably motivated team work did indeed prevail throughout the day. When John Epton (who’s not blessed with the most technically minded brain) struggled to set up a piece of equipment to Lee’s exacting standard Barbara Walker was there immediately to show him how by adjusting the electro reostat to eleven and routing the power through the auxillary thermal shunt gate an effective adjustment in output of five millimicro amps could be achieved. Later it turned out an inverted coffee cup worked just as well!

The Ferret Breeders Question Time Panel

Being a period production historic costumes were de rigueur, with enough flat caps on display to make the casual observer imagine they must have inadvertently stumbled into a meeting of the Union of Flat Cap Wearers, Pigeon Fanciers, Tripe Eaters and Amalgamated Trades. Oh and there were plenty of head scarves too.

If only I could remember why I’m here

With laughter lubricating the wheels of productivity like big dollops of grease mixed with butter and then liberally drizzled with really slippery extra, extra, extra virgin olive oil and then served up on giant banana skins, it was not long before the comprehensive shot list was accomplished with aplomb, panache, je ne sais quoi and ahead of shedule to boot…F.A.B. Lee!

Mike and Ian demonstrate their expert grasp of non-verbal communication

So now all that remains is to await the Grand Premier of this Grande Dame of Grand Prix winning potential Cinematico, I for one can’t wait!!

Clap Hands here comes Sue

 

Click HERE for Part One.