If you’re blue

And you don’t know where to go to

There’s always OVFM’s one night of glitz

Puttin’ on the Ritz


I must confess I’ve never put on a Ritz, I wouldn’t actually know where to start – I couldn’t find any instructions on the Internet (at least not on sites which haven’t been blocked by my ISP) – but I do know that we will be putting on the 2016 OVFM Oscars!

This is the one night of the year where we ditch our jeans and t-shirts and dig our best clobber out from the back of the mothball ridden wardrobe for its annual airing as we celebrate the hard work of club members by handing out bits of old scrap metal in recognition of their creative genius.

Of course the smart dress code is optional but if you do come in regular attire expect to be jeered, teased and have rotten vegetables thrown at you when we force you to sit outside in the car park for being a Kiljoy.

Last year saw Professor Mike Shaw crowned the big winner walking away with four awards and a sprained wrist. Will Mike reign supreme again this year or will someone else take all the glory?

As ever among the main prizes being contested are:


Ian Dunbar Cup

Orpington Trophy

Jubilee Shield

Vincent Pons Trophy

Mike Turner Plate

Kath Jones Cup

Bette Davis Eyes


Along with some new categories added by the Legion Of Doom which include:


Tallest Club Member

Best Club Member Over 30 But Under 50

Best Beard (natural hair colour only)

Outstanding Contribution To Putting Out Chairs


This year we are indebted to Kevin Doyle, secretary of AVS Movie Makers in Altrincham, for judging the entries and for his comments on said films, which he described as “very good”. Apparently “bloody brilliant” is not in his vocabulary so I guess we have to take what we can get but we do thank Kevin for giving up his time for us.

Aside from dressing up our stalwart refreshments commander Peggy “One Lump Or Two?” Parmenter will have some extra treats to compliment the teas and coffees to mark this special occasion – and when I say “will have” I obviously mean “Peggy didn’t give it a single thought before I brought it up”. You can thank me later.

Don’t forget that plus 1s are welcome (or in my case minus 1) while plus fours are prohibited as this isn’t a golf club. A 3-Iron is a golf club and is also the title of a film by South Korean auteur Kim Ki-Duk who also made a film called Time which I am now going to call on this post.

The Oscars is the most prestigious and fun filled evening of the year in the OVFM calendar so we do hope you can make the effort to join us at our regular meeting venue, the Barnard Room in St Augustine’s Church this coming Tuesday March 15th for this special annual event.

OVFM Club Meeting Tuesday March 4th 2014 – OVFM OSCARS!!


“They say the neon lights are bright on Broadway”

Well they have nothing compared to the luminescence of the OVFM Oscars, especially those Yanks who are trying to steal our thunder by hosting their thrupenny bit knockoff version two days before ours!

The biggest event in the OVFM calendar arrives on March 4th where the hard work and creativity of OVFM club members are rewarded with fetching little trinkets that have had a load of names and dates scratched into them. With bated breath (or fresh breath if you use mouth wash) many of use are on tenterhooks wondering if our names will be added to those which have already caused a huge devaluation to the resell worth of said trophies!

As ever we have many awards being contested including:

Ian Dunbar Cup

Orpington Trophy

Jubilee Shield

Vincent Pons Trophy

Mike Turner Plate

Kath Jones Cup

Peggy Parmenter Knife & Fork

We’ll also find out who has come second to Barbara “Cakes” Darby in the 2013 Top Ten competition.

This year we are thankful to Rod Willerton, Ron Prosser and David Fenn of Haywards Heath Movie Makers for kindly judging the films on our behalf and we believe Messers Prosser and Fenn might be joining on the night, so we can thank them personally (or beat them up if we don’t anything).

And of course it wouldn’t be an award ceremony without the display of high fashion and glamour so members are encouraged to expel the mothballs from their Sunday finest and dress up for the occasion, or if you are so inclined you can indulge in a bit of fancy dress. Last year long time member John Alford came dressed as an empty chair but was devastated when no-one noticed. The moral of this tale? Choose your costume wisely!

Last year’s big winner was Colin “Colin” Jones who took home seven awards although he only actually won five, followed by Mrs. “Cakes” Darby who won three. Who will be the triumphant winner(s) this year?

The only way to find out is to join us this Tuesday March 4th at the Barnard Room, St Augustine’s Church for the 2014 OVFM Oscars!!

Hope to see you all then!